Sunday, February 20, 2011

Thoughts for a Sunday Night

Living joyfully has been a struggle many times in the last couple of months. I have struggled through so many emotions and still find myself so much in the valley.
I have been struggling to be who I am and figure out who I am in a state in which I don't always like myself. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see on the outside especially after gaining 10 pounds in only a couple of months. I have been struggling with knowing whether it is my voice or God's I hear and knowing how to respond.

Struggling with hearing the word wait.

I am struggling with friendships and feeling like I want deep and strong friendships with people that are around and available. Friends that will be lasting and want to spend time with me, with us. I am struggling with believing (some days) that God has a job for me.

I want to feel important.

I know in my head that the valley I'm in is only a portion of the journey that God has planned for my life and that the journey will be worth it. I know in my head that there are people out there that love me outside of my parents and my husband. I know in my head that God has a plan for my life as a teacher and that subbing is where he wants me right now.

But my heart and my head are not in the same place right now. I deeply want to follow God and his plan for my life. I want to follow his will. I just don't want to have to feel like I don't belong and that I am not worthy.


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Bye Bye Football

Okay so I didn't really know what to name this post. We did bid farewell to football this week (perhaps that is what I was celebrating at the Superbowl party last Sunday). We had a big party which was lots of fun but was overwhelming at times. I was so afraid that there wasn't going to be enough food, etc. By the time the game came I was pretty wiped.

Then Monday I got the sweet surprise of waking up at 5:45. ON MY BIRTHDAY. I didn't get called to sub so I could so have slept in. Oh well. I did have a couple short naps in between cleaning and other things that were generally relaxing. Steve and I celebrated my birthday by going to Earls St. Vital for supper. A couple months ago we went there and I had a pasta that was fantastic as well as their grilled foccacia and one of their red wines. I liked it so much when I had it then that I ordered the exact same thing. It was very good.

And I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering if I bought the air compressor or the camera. Welll...... the camera won out for right now even though I had to shell out for the remainder. My brother and SIL bought me the memory card for my birthday so that was one thing less I had to buy. And here's the best part! Steve is going to get me the air compressor as a birthday/Valentines' gift next time it goes on sale because unfortunately we missed it this time round. The camera has been super fun to play with. I have taken a couple hundred pictures already (with many being deleted already) just to test out the different features. Like this one feature that will only take the picture once you smile. Very fun.

I had an interesting week as far as subbing. I went as far as St. Adolphe this week and also had a day in which I taught high school and Kindergarten in the same day. Do you want to guess which was a walk in the park and which wasn't? I also had some moments this week where I felt really low. I was feeling like I was giving and giving and giving and my well was running dry. Thankfully through my devotions and my awesome cousin I realized that you have to live without seeking return. Unfortunately, because we are imperfect people we do not always get back what we give out and God can use our humble hearts and generous spirits even when we feel dry, because he will fill us up again. Thankfully this weekend has been nice and calm and just what I needed.

And if that's not enough. It is our two year home ownership anniversary. Yay! As a look back at how our home has transformed in the past two years I integrated one of my old slideshows with some new pictures (that I took with my new camera : ) ) While I often get really caught up in what needs to change it's great to see where we are and stop and be thankful. God has provided us an awesome house that is perfect for parties and for hosting cell and so many things. While we maybe should have looked at more than one house when we bought this house it all worked as it should and God set things in place for us.

So here's the slideshow. The one I put on FB has actually captions if your curious. Cheers!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Choices, Choices

My birthday is a mere 5 days away and I am pumped. I look forward to this day all year actually. Since Christmas I had been planning to buy this camera with the birthday money that may or may not come my way. Chad got this camera for Christmas and there's been awesome reviews. It was on sale several times before Christmas for under $200 but it has been back to it's regular price of $279 recently. Which is a little high.

In comes the Canadian Tire flyer (duh, duh, da) and a 8 Gallon Air Compressor with Nailer on sale until next Wednesday (not exactly the same as this picture).

Oh the dilemma. On one hand I do want a new camera because my current one is not good at focusing, or indoor pictures or outdoor pictures.... A camera is something I would use LOTS. But the one I want is not on sale... (and I'm not going to pick another one. Not even an option)

But on the other hand the air compressor is on sale, for almost the same amount as I usually get in birthday money. I know of so many ways I would use this. I am wanting to redo the baseboards in several of my rooms and the trim outside and in some rooms inside the house. I would be able to use it when constructing furniture and almost best of all with a sprayer I could use it to "spray" paint my furniture and the trim that I would put in and my doors that I painted last year that still look gross I could redo. All giving things a better and more professional look.

I know that if I get the air compressor and with all the home projects that we need to do that buying the camera might get pushed very far into the future. The air compressor may go on sale again. After all it is at Canadian Tire and none of these projects need to be done now. And it would be likely that we would still buy this item within the year because we will need it for stuff this year.

In other "news" my culinary challenge is going well. I have been tasting and adjusting spices, I have made a lemon chicken that was horrible so on to another recipe and I have been working on my breads. In fact I have a batch of buns in the oven right now.

I have been looking online at books I am interested in buying to focus myself on the foods that I want to perfect.

This one called Laurel's Kitchen: A Guide to Whole Grain Breadmaking sounds like just what I'm looking for.

There's also this Mexican book that looks like something I would love to read and cook from. It looks like all of Rick Bayless' books are great Mexican cooking tools.

Well my buns are beeping, well not the buns persay, but I better go. Let me know what you would do. Air Compressor or Camera?