Living joyfully has been a struggle many times in the last couple of months. I have struggled through so many emotions and still find myself so much in the valley.
I have been struggling to be who I am and figure out who I am in a state in which I don't always like myself. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see on the outside especially after gaining 10 pounds in only a couple of months. I have been struggling with knowing whether it is my voice or God's I hear and knowing how to respond.
Struggling with hearing the word wait.
I am struggling with friendships and feeling like I want deep and strong friendships with people that are around and available. Friends that will be lasting and want to spend time with me, with us. I am struggling with believing (some days) that God has a job for me.
I want to feel important.
I know in my head that the valley I'm in is only a portion of the journey that God has planned for my life and that the journey will be worth it. I know in my head that there are people out there that love me outside of my parents and my husband. I know in my head that God has a plan for my life as a teacher and that subbing is where he wants me right now.
But my heart and my head are not in the same place right now. I deeply want to follow God and his plan for my life. I want to follow his will. I just don't want to have to feel like I don't belong and that I am not worthy.
Krista
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
This verse encourages me when I have times like that:
Proverbs 16:9 (New Living Translation)
We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps.
This was in my google reader feed today and I thought you might enjoy reading through it as well:
http://devotions.thecornerstoneforteachers.com/2011/02/god-is-in-interruptions.html
Krista, it's hard for me to read a post like this. I relate to a lot of it...especially the friendship part. I hope you find God's will for your life and live it fully and completely!!
Dear Krista,
I think your thoughts rain true to most of ours, times of trial and questioning is something we all go through.
God will bring you through this and although we may not know the "why" behind everything at least we know that there is someone we can call on to ask in these times of trial.
I pray that you will find peace and the deep friendship you long for, I wish we lived closer.
your friend,
Melissa
I feel it sometimes :)
Post a Comment